i’m far away from any strip clubs running wild in the mountains. with that said, i’ve written up a little thought-food regarding the receiving of lap dances. mr. sixty, an avid strip club goer, ex-blogger on the subject, and wonderful writer sent me a couple of his own thoughts. bear in mind we wrote up our suggestions without conversation but nonetheless reached very similar conclusions. i may have blathered a bit so if you’re the type who goes for short and sweet, scroll down to see sixty’s ten points for staying classy on the couch.
how to get a lap dance: the art of receiving – written by a girl who strips
there’s a lot more talk floating around in the world about how to give a lap dance then there is on how to get one. as a serial lap dance giver i’m convinced that the art of receiving a lap dance needs to be further explored. i believe that the recipient’s final feelings towards any given lap dance hinges equally upon the giver’s talent as on their own skills of reception.
i also have a strong hunch that good lap dance recipients are good lovers. this has yet to be proven because it would require me fucking a whole lot of my customers but nonetheless, i think my stripper intuition is right on this one. in general, energy is either increased between two people or stolen by one or both of the parties. as a lap dance recipient or as a lover the goal is to co-create energy with your partner. it’s a back and forth activity of building pleasure.
i am much more interested in delving into the subtleties of being good at getting a lap dance than i am in rehashing the obvious rules of the game. but since many many men are still working out the basics, i suppose they are worth repeating:
1. follow the rules of the club – at worst your dancer or you will get in trouble for breaking the rules of the club. it’s simple really, if you get kicked out, you wont be getting an enjoyable lap dance. at best you’ll have to suffer the embarrassment of being talked to like a little kid by one of the bouncers; there’s really no better way to ruin a hot lap dance than being scolded by another man.
as an addendum to rule number 1, don’t ask to break the rules or repeatedly complain about them. your dancer has been cajoled and pressured all night long to do things she’d rather not and spent a good deal of time listening to whining men. by starting your interaction off with her in such a manner you’ve already set the tone for being an energy sucker.
2. know the cost of a dance and have the money to pay for it - duh. self explanatory. if you can’t or don’t pony up, you’ll leave feeling either ashamed, humiliated or like an ass hole none of which lead to feelings of pleasure, fulfillment, connection, etc.
3. don’t lick, grab, grope, bite, kiss (note: this rule does not apply to lovers) – just remember how many tongues have slobbered on my nipples tonight and then think through whether you want to put your mouth there. from coughing strippers who sucked on my tits for a dollar to that kinda shady guy in the corner, you’re swapping germs on my breasts.
now i don’t mind soft little peck kisses on my neck and body as i slide by but please don’t kiss my mouth or try to use tongue.
biting hurts. stop.
grabbing and groping is pretty much umbrellaed by rule #1 since most clubs don’t allow it. in places where you can touch, i suggest you practice holding rather than grabbing or groping. you can hold a dancer’s ass cheeks, breasts, or whole body in a much less aggressive way. with the permission of your dancer you may also work on caressing, rubbing, and other pleasure-inducing forms of touch.
unless invited by your dancer, never touch a dancer’s genitals or ass crack. also expect to never be invited to do so.
4. be relatively well groomed (this does apply to lovers) – you want me to get close to you? then ensure that my getting close to you is an event that does not leave me feeling dirty or disgusted. check that you didn’t accidentally dribble pee on your pants in the bathroom and that you don’t reek of liquor, sweat or other unpleasant odors.
5. money, money, money - yes you are in a strip club, which is a business not your bedroom. money talks here and if you tip a girl for a dance you like, it will not go unnoticed.
okay. square one covered.
now for the finesse of receiving a lap dance. again, remember, the main principle is to create energy. you are a participant in the lap dance not just a passive bonor. you have the opportunity to increase the good-feelings of a shared sexual experience. the concept underlying the principle of creating energy is that a dancer who feels appreciated, sexy, happy, respected and paid is going to give a better lap dance that in turn is going to make you feel appreciated, sexy, happy and respected which is worth paying for.
the lead up - we all know first impressions matter and your initial interaction sets the mood for your lap dance. so, please, don’t waste my time. yes, it is a job and time is money. no, i don’t like talking about you as a money machine but if you spend a bunch of time talking without paying me, i’m sorry but we’ll have to end the conversation and if that makes you feel used, then compensate me for my time.
if you don’t have money for a lap dance, please just tell me. you’re not going to hurt my feelings by letting me know up front that you will not be buying a dance. if you’re not into me and might be buying a dance from another girl, just tell me. i spend a good portion of my night getting rejected, i’ve learned to deal with it. if you want to be kind, don’t waste my time. need a little more guidance? if you’re very very sure that you wont buy a dance from me say something like, “hey, listen, you’re very beautiful and i would love to talk to you but i respect that you’ve got a job to do as well and so i want to tell you up front i’m not going to be buying a dance”. if you’ve got a couple bucks slide it on over for stage dances and/or conversation time but don’t lead me on by making me think i’ve got a shot when i don’t. remember, i am not a free therapist or your potential girlfriend.
just a little note on this subject, i will spend time with non-dance buyers if they make me feel really good about myself and are being honest with me about their goals of the night. i wont spend a tremendous amount of time with them but when i’m vibing good with them, i’ll use them as my flirt-fuel to get ego boosts throughout the night, raise my endorphins and keep sexified.
if you are going to buy a dance (which you really should, they’re so much fun), let me know your expectations ahead of time. ask the prices if you don’t know and the rules of the club. tell me what you like and don’t like and i’ll be that much more ahead of the pleasure game. do you like it rough or slow? are you a tit man or ass man? would you like me to talk dirty with you? rub your shoulders? tell me!
above and beyond grooming - the more comfortable i am, the better i dance. so, even though your five o clock shadow makes you look kinda hunky, i’m not going to rub my bare breasts repeatedly across your face because i end up with little mini-scratches that ache all the next day. and even though i’m a blue jeans kinda gal, softer fabric pants will have me pressed up into your lap harder. if you smell delicious, i’ll keep my face closer to you. if your hair isn’t a greasy mess, i’ll run my fingers across your neck and scalp.
the eye contact issue - to do or not to do, that is the question. let me say that i am reading you and your desires by your eyes. if you look at my tits, i’m going to focus on my tits. if you focus on my pussy, i’m going to play with it. if you focus on my eyes, i’m going to look back into yours. if you’re wanting some human connection feeling, that’s where i’ll turn my attention and i’ll probably dance you in the same way i fuck, which should make the whole world feel like it’s suspended for a time as we’re looking at each other. all in all, eyes say a lot, so use them, which gets me to the other side of things…
the dead fish syndrome - you know what a dead fish handshake is? well those exist in the lap dance world, too. dead fish recipients stare into some abyss and in general are just a pile of unresponsive flesh. often times these are customers who are so loaded on drugs and alcohol, it’s a wonder they made it here at all. however, some dead fish are fully sober individuals, who, just sit there looking off into the distance or down at their belly button. i don’t know why but it’s weird and i usually don’t do great lap dances because, hey, they aren’t looking anyways. i’d assume they aren’t into me but dead fish will often get another dance and they say yes like it’s a second thought. oh sure, keep going. it’s weird. don’t do that.
moving and maneuvering - on the other side of the spectrum from dead fish we have the live fish recipient whose likely a handsy one and hell bent on moving me to his own tune by thrusting his hips and boxing me in with his upper arms or legs. firstly, i understand you want to hump me. but seriously, overeager jouncing laps just ruin my rhythm. subtle hip circles and a slight lifting of the pelvis is just fine but any of your movement that seriously impedes my movement or requires that i hold on to something for balance is not appreciated. and i truly believe that it will result in a less sexified dance for you. i will give you some good grinding in my own time. if you’re enthusiastically bouncing your crotch, i simply wont be able to do my thing.
talking and chatting - the other live fish is the talker who spends the entire dance asking questions. this is perfectly acceptable and i’m more than happy to get money in exchange for answering your questions. but you should know that if you spend the entire time asking about my weekend or telling me about your wife’s hang up about her breasts, neither of us will be focusing on the more silent conversation going on between our bodies.
dialogue - this is the beating heart of a lap dance. this is the golden key to the art of reception. this is where the buck stops and we find out what we’re made of as two people pressed up against each other. those who dialogue well in these close up situations will naturally be better lovers. in short, tell me what you like, tell me what you like, tell me what you like.
there are lots of ways to tell me. you don’t have to use your words, though those are welcome also. tell me with your breath. use deep breaths and quick breaths to communicate your inner heat. tell me with soft moans. tell me with the quickening of your pulse. tell me with your eyes. tell me with your clenched fists or outstretched fingers. tell me with your bitten lip and raised eyebrow. tell me with your goofy smile of pleasure. your closed eyes. that look of awe that crosses over your face.
there are lots of things to tell me and they all are an expression of appreciation. you can tell me what you like about me. this makes me feel sexy and confident and maybe turned on which will make me writhe a little better and hold myself more sensually in your lap. tell me i have great breasts, beautiful nipples, a stunning cunt. let me know you like the way i move, the way i smell, the texture of my skin.
connected to what you like about me tell me what you like for you. the way i gasp into your ear or rub your shoulders. do you prefer my hips moving in circles or up or down? do you like when i touch myself or slide down the front of you? do you love when i bounce my ass or squeeze my nipples, tell me.
good dancers and good lovers will respond to knowing what you like by doing what you like.
buy your dances in a row – if you think you might buy two or more dances in a night from one girl, i suggest buying them in a row. right off the bat, this is more efficient for me as your dancer. i get dressed and undressed one less time by dancing through. however, the bigger reasoning for this suggestion is that as a general rule dances get hotter the longer they go. as we both vibe longer, our breath and sexy feelings start mixing up with each other and i’m much more able to read what you like and adapt my moves to you and have a higher likelihood of getting wet myself. additionally, as dance time lengthens i get more creative with my moves as i try to mix it up. i have an inner mental list of things i do and i start pulling out some of the more tricky and hotter ones as time moves on.
also, different clubs have different lap dance spaces. some table dances are done in the front room and require some technically difficult balancing that seriously impedes closeness. if the option is there, pay a little more for the back room where the dancer has a couch to straddle you over and can take off her shoes and get real flexible.
kink and fetish – so you have a thing. feet. getting beat up. calling me a whore-slut-bitch. that’s cool, i can deal with all that. just tell me. it’s my experience that most dancers like fetishists because the terms are clear and laid out early. we get propositioned all night long so don’t feel embarrassed to whisper what you want. it’s nice to tip extra for out-of-the-box activities and role playing as it requires an extra level of focus and/or disassociation on our part but in general, you aren’t the first one and you wont be the last and there’s nothing to feel bad about it if you ask politely.
a final word on pheremones - not all strippers are created the same. all the customers and all the dancers are still biological beings emitting all sorts of hormones and smells and slight variations of sex juice. you might find me physically attractive and/or a scintillating conversationalist but there’s a chance that you and your dancer will just not have matching sexy vibes. this happens. be kind and find another.
i would like to add that in exchange for being a good lap dance recipient you should expect a great lap dance. if your dancer is trashed, distant, looking bored, rude, smelly, emotionally needy, avoiding eye contact and/or an energetic vampire, don’t buy more dances. pay for your interaction and then don’t dwell on it. go find a girl who can share a cupful of connection with you in a way that feels good to you.
Ten tips for staying classy on the couch -written by a guy
1. Smile. You’re supposed to be enjoying yourself, right junior?
2. Use eye contact. This is hugely important for the dancer to do, of course, but guys are well advised to do it too. Don’t just stare at her body parts. Eyes can flirt, and flirting always increases the frisson.
3. Easy on the body spray or cologne. A little goes a long way.
4. Start slow and behave yourself. Watch and listen carefully for invitations. During the first song especially, take her lead regarding “privileged access.” Later, if things are going well, initiate your own creative but respectful advances and see how they’re received. Respect firmly established rules. (I’m not so much referring to club rules. Her rules.)
5. Keep it in your pants. Come on – do I really have to say that?
6. Massage is a tricky thing. If you’re a “pleaser” type and you’ve got good, sure hands, see how she responds to some light stroking up and down her spine or maybe even some firmer kneading of her trapezius muscles or lats. (I recently was with one dancer who just loved getting deep-tissue massage of her fabulous derriere — the harder and stronger the better.) But be careful: if your technique sucks, she’ll wish you hadn’t started (painfully awkward); and if you’re really good, she’ll most likely melt like butter and forget all about entertaining you.
7. Don’t pinch or mash the boobies. Likewise, no sucking nipples unless she has given you her enthusiastic permission to do so.
8. Give feedback frequently. Accentuate the positive: compliment her and tell her what’s turning you on. Among other things, this is a mutual learning process.
9. Your clothes should act as a soft, inviting playing field for the young lady. Soft fabrics (not jeans or cords). No studded belts or buckles with sharp edges.
10. Show gratitude. Say thank you and mean it, even if the dance was mediocre. If she exceeded expectations, tip her extra. She’ll remember you for it. Good begets better.